Poems Which Have Been Stolen

The Computer's First Proverbs

You can take a dog to the keyside, but you can't push him in
all is wet that starts to bark
if you pay peanuts you get them planted in the park
nothing should be done in haste but grip your trout
if you want fish, you must prepare for stink
he who fishes with the piper barks like a dog
he who fishes a tiger is afraid to wink
fish will out, fish will out
all roaring is the same in the dark.

A dog in the brook is worth avoiding
think of a fountain and you froth in the head
speech is water, fish are water
it is too late to rub in embrocation after the dream has gone
strike while the law is out
put the stout dog to a deaf oven
flush the fridge if you have a long arm
idle lips make the best smoke rings
fishmongers always make room
it is all melted that ends melted
in May let the plugs bloom
you cannot roar with the workers and ignore the phone
it takes three waders to make a wet man
the longest dog winks all the way home

from Selected Poems, Poetry Wales Press, 1987.
(first published in Ninth Decade, December, 1986)

 

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The Exhibition

Man With Towel Drying His Tongue
oil on canvas 30" x 20"

Bright Nude With Crown
pastel on paper 10" x 16"

Self-Portrait With Star On Stick
mixed-media 40" x 60"

Triptych - Nudes Embracing, Nudes Struggling, Nudes Parting
oil on paper with felt roofing strips 30" x 8 yards

Self-Portrait With Stick and Ripped Shirt
pencil 2" x 2"
Portrait of the Artist As A Misogynist
tongue between teeth
oil on canvas with eyeliner applique and
glued beer cans
collection G. Broding

Views From Inside The Wardrobe
mixed media - tin bath, water and electric kettle element

This Is How It Is Now
instamatic assemblage of the artist looking miserable
in various parts of the city 40" x 30"
collection R. Knowles, private investigator

Untitled
body tattoo "I Love You" crossed out with blue biro
NFS

Small Man With Bottles
charcoal on burned paper 10" x 10"
collection the artist
print available, enquire at desk

Dark curtain for obscuring door.

from Useful, Seren Books, 1997
(first published in Intimate Portraits, May, 1995)

 

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Irish Guide To Wales Errata

when you arrive the place will not be England

for Armagh see Amritsar
for boogie see bhanghra
for Bangor see Bangor
for cough see catch
for cool see coal
for coal see Cale
for sward see sword
for shit see seams
for craic see crap
for cough see cwrw
for lough see lung
for query see quarry
for whistle see whippet
for bog see big
for tay see tea
for praise see pies
for Toaiseach see tshirt
for Yeats see yeast
for true cross see mosque
for Morrison see Morriston
for Muldoon see Maldwyn
for hurling see Gwylim
for error see earlier
for temperance see tandoori
for poteen see potency
for Cathal o Searcaigh see Kashmiri Leek Passanda
for Nuala NÍ Dhomhnaill see Radjit ap Singh

 

from Food, Seren Books, 2001

 

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